Yes, my hands, feet, and knees are still sweating! Yes, I headed to my bedroom and hit the floor! As I prayed my heart was beating wildly in my chest. I immediately turned that into prayer and yielded my heart to Him. As I write this, the words of a song come to mind..."Lord, I give you my heart. I give you my soul. I live for you alone. Every step that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have Your way in me." That is my prayer...to be totally yielded to Him, with every single step I take. I want Him to hem me in! I want Him to go before me and behind me, and not let me take one step, not even one inch away from His will!
Well, this blog (okay, not the blog actually...remember, that is an "illogical connection"...but writing) is an act of obedience. Probably - no surely - obedience long overdue. Thank you, Lord, for your unending patience with me! It is really quite comical that God would call me to write. I'm not an English major. I'm not particularly eloquent. I'm terrified...well, that may be a strong word, but quite afraid of computers! (And justly so, as I lost a portion of this post after this monstrous red line appeared at the top of the page with large white letters reading ERROR! Then something started flashing at the bottom of the screen saying "Autosave Failed!!" Have you heard the acronym that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real? Well, this evidence was real!) But you know, as I wrote the words stating my lack of qualifications and the heights of my fear, God reminded me of Moses' words, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent...I am slow of speech and tongue." (Ex. 3:10-12) The Lord said, "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." As I "take off my sandals" and approach this "holy ground" (Ex.3:5, Joshua 5:15), I am comforted by the Lord's words to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9). I'm drawn to the words in 1 Corinthians 1: 26-31, "...think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world...the weak things of the world....He chose the lowly things of this world...so that him who boast[s] boasts in the Lord." I am surely foolish, weak, and lowly. Whatever may come from this feeble attempt at obedience is all because of Him.
What is God calling you to do? Are you following Him in obedience? Are you afraid? Do you have doubt? Pour your heart out to Him. Seek Him through His Word. He will lead you. It's a promise.
Lord, in John 15:16, Jesus said, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last." Make me worthy of that calling. Cleanse my heart. Empty me of everything that's me and fill me up with YOU. Lead me completely and surely. Do not let me go to the right or to the left, but to walk diligently on the path that you have laid out. "Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." (Psalm 143:8)